Our Kids Are Watching Us

In my 18 years as a football coach and youth personal coach, I’ve seen how important positive role models are for kids. One thing is clear whether on the field or in daily life: kids learn more from what we do than what we say. Without strong role models, I believe that young people, regardless of race, ethnicity, or background, will continue to struggle.

This isn’t meant as an insult—it’s a reminder of the powerful influence you have on a child. As a parent or adult in a child’s life, you’re their first and most important teacher. Kids watch everything—from how you handle stress to how you treat others—and they often copy those behaviors. The small, everyday actions shape their understanding of the world.

Kids don’t do what we tell them to do—they do what we do. If you tell them to stay calm but you lose your temper when things get tough, they’ll likely react the same way. If you give up easily, they’ll see that too. Your actions teach them how to face life.

In all my years of coaching, I’ve noticed that every child needs a positive role model to succeed. No matter their background, children who have someone to look up to are more likely to thrive. They need to see how hard work, resilience, and respect help them overcome challenges. You have the power to be that role model.

When I see a child struggling with behavior, I often ask, “What are they seeing at home?” This is not about blame—it’s about understanding how much influence adults have. How you handle life teaches your child how to handle theirs.

It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being intentional. When you model patience, kindness, and perseverance, your child learns those same qualities. When they see you manage stress or bounce back from failure, they learn that setbacks are just part of life.

This isn’t meant to make anyone feel guilty. Parenting is tough, and we all have moments we’d like to take back. But remember—each day is a new chance to be the example your child needs. You are their role model, and that’s a powerful responsibility.

Even small changes in your behavior can make a big difference. Here are some simple tips for modeling positive behaviors for your child.

Quick Tips for Modeling Positive Behaviors

1. Stay Calm Under Pressure: Take a deep breath when things go wrong. This shows your child how to stay calm in tough situations.

2. Use Positive Language: Replace negative phrases like “I can’t do this” with “I’ll figure this out.” Your child will learn the power of a positive mindset.

3. Praise Effort, Not Just Results: Celebrate your child's hard work, not just the outcome. Say, “I’m proud of how hard you tried,” rather than “You’re so smart.”

4. Be Kind to Others: Show kindness in your daily interactions. Your child will learn how to treat others with respect and empathy.

5. Apologize When You Make a Mistake:  It’s okay to say, “I’m sorry.” This teaches your child that it’s normal to make mistakes and to take responsibility for them.

6. Show Patience: If you’re frustrated, show patience. Use waiting times to chat with your child or take calming breaths instead of getting upset.

7. Stick to Good Habits: Let your child see you practicing healthy habits like exercising, reading, or eating well. They’ll naturally pick up on these routines.

8. Handle Conflicts Peacefully: If you disagree with someone, resolve it calmly. Your child will learn that disagreements don’t need to turn into arguments.

9. Listen to Your Child: Give your child your full attention when they speak. This teaches them that their thoughts and feelings are important.

10. Encourage Problem-Solving: Show your child how to think through solutions when facing challenges. This builds their confidence and resilience.

After nearly two decades of working with kids, I’ve learned that the most impactful lessons come from watching someone they respect handle life. Every day, you have the chance to teach your child how to navigate the world by being the best version of yourself.

So, the next time you’re in a tough spot, remember; your child is watching and learning from you. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about showing them how to handle life with patience, kindness, and persistence.

You are their role model. Let’s give our kids the best example we can, together.